"You just know": How to use discernment to discover your calling
Updated: Nov 3, 2022
Ask someone who's found their calling how they knew they had made the right choice and they'll probably say "I just knew," or some variation of that. But what does that mean? How'd they get to that point? Does that really even happen?
I can say from experience - YES it actually happens. You do "just know." And after watching J.E. Sigler's 2012 TED Talk titled "Why Nuns Don't Have Mid-life Crises," I realized I experienced a very common process to discovering my calling.
Sigler's research centered on understanding how God communicates to people being called to religious vocation. Through interviews with a number of nuns, she found a consistent process of discernment leading to their decisions. Now, she shares this same process with her graduate students so they don't find themselves lost in the future.
Religion aside, I can say my journey was exactly the same as described by the nuns. Sigler outlines a process that is actually quite scary - which is why so many of us never reach that calling we long for. There are periods of fear and anxiety, confusion and frustration, hope and courage, but finally peace and joy.
Steps to Discernment
Sigler outlines four steps the nuns describe along their journeys to knowing their callings.
Quiet, then Fear: It's impossible for us to truly be discerning when we're distracted. Being distracted by anything from busyness and noise, to societal norms, family expectations, or lack of confidence blocks us from listening to our gut, heart, spirit or intuition. So, we need to be willing to get quiet. For you that might mean turning off the television or putting down the phone and journaling for a few hours, or going for a walk, or maybe taking a weekend retreat to have the freedom to be still and listen. You can also use your discernment when you're with friends, family, coworkers and even strangers. Listen for the times your being complimented or notice the times you're having the most enjoyment. In other words, pay attention. Over time, an idea will come to mind that excites you more than ever before. And then...fear. Almost as quickly as that idea comes to mind and starts to develop, your fears and assumptions rear their ugly heads. Naturally, your idea becomes a pipe dream and you tell yourself it can't be done.
Haunting: This is a pivotal step in your journey to knowing. Sometimes those ideas really are pipe dreams, or ideas in the moment. But a calling will haunt you. It will take everything in you to push it to the back of your mind, to constantly tell yourself it can't happen or you don't want to do it. No matter what, it just won't go away. There are moments when you entertain the idea and even develop a clearer picture of how it can happen, but the fear sets in again.
Leap: This is it! This is the point where most people jump off because it's the absolute scariest point in the process. It's the point when you actually (as NIKE says) just do it! It literally feels like jumping off a cliff because in many cases, you're changing careers, creating something completely new, or going against expectations. It's so important to have a support network around you because this can be a very lonely period, too. You need people to boost you up, spur you on and tell you you can do it! But even more importantly, because once you take the leap, there's a time of waiting. I think of it like a bird who jumps out the nest for the first time and struggles to figure out how to use it's wings, then suddenly it begins to soar.
Peace and Joy: And finally! No matter what struggles you experience or the ongoing fear and self-doubt that might continue to appear, there's an overwhelming sense of peace and joy in your life. The how might not be clear and your calling might evolve, but you have clarity and confirmation. And THIS is the point when "you just know."
